I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
