Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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