I wish I could punch you in the face.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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