everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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