His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
