I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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