Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
