DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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