They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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