I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
