How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
false alarm, still single
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
