Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
