life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize