Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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