you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
