Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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