I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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