i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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