the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dicks are not precious.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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