I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
