90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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