man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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