Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
