she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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