Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
