is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
