Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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