I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
