A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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