I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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