I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
