So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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