first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
