Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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