so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
