I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
