Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
