ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
