i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize