He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
