Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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