so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
