the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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