Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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