My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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