oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
