Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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