Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
