Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
