So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
