nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
