Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
