I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Actions speak louder than pants.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
