Can Purell be used as lube?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
