hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am one with the molecules
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
