...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize