my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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