the condom got lost in my hair
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
