That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cockslap morals
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
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Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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