i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
