in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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