She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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