8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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