did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
