Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
