:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
