I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
