you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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