we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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