I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
