I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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