Pappa wants mamma naked
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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